1 00:00:34,865 --> 00:00:36,425 You said you'd go. 2 00:00:36,425 --> 00:00:38,065 I didn't say I would, I said I might. 3 00:00:38,065 --> 00:00:39,705 I've got to do the accounts tonight. 4 00:00:39,705 --> 00:00:41,065 You don't have to do the accounts tonight. 5 00:00:41,065 --> 00:00:43,025 - I do. - It's always the same. 6 00:00:43,025 --> 00:00:45,785 Whenever I want to go out, you've always got some excuse. 7 00:00:45,785 --> 00:00:47,705 It's not an excuse. It's just that tonight... 8 00:00:47,705 --> 00:00:50,785 it's not just tonight, it's any night I want to go out with any of my friends, 9 00:00:50,785 --> 00:00:52,785 anyone at all, any other members of the human race. 10 00:00:52,785 --> 00:00:55,985 Yes, I wouldn't call the Sherrins members of the human race. 11 00:00:55,985 --> 00:00:58,705 I'm cooped up in this hotel all day long. 12 00:00:58,705 --> 00:01:00,785 You never take me out, the only bit of life I get 13 00:01:00,785 --> 00:01:02,625 is when I get away with some of my friends. 14 00:01:02,625 --> 00:01:05,745 Well, you must get away more often, dear. 15 00:01:05,745 --> 00:01:07,465 They all think you're peculiar. 16 00:01:07,465 --> 00:01:08,945 You know that, don't you? 17 00:01:08,945 --> 00:01:10,785 They've all said at one time or another, 18 00:01:10,785 --> 00:01:12,905 how on earth did the two of us ever get together? 19 00:01:12,905 --> 00:01:14,865 "Black magic," my mother says. 20 00:01:14,865 --> 00:01:17,985 She'd know, wouldn't she? 21 00:01:17,985 --> 00:01:20,453 Her and that cat. 22 00:01:31,185 --> 00:01:33,225 Shall I get you the wine list? 23 00:01:33,225 --> 00:01:34,705 Mr. Fawlty? 24 00:01:34,705 --> 00:01:36,665 "Mister"? Please, call me waiter. 25 00:01:36,665 --> 00:01:39,025 I'll go get a chair and you can really tuck in. 26 00:01:39,025 --> 00:01:40,385 There's some stuff in the bin you might like, 27 00:01:40,385 --> 00:01:42,345 potato peelings, cold rice pudding, that sort of thing... 28 00:01:42,345 --> 00:01:45,225 not exactly haute cuisine, but it'll certainly help to fill you up. 29 00:01:45,225 --> 00:01:46,825 Sybil, may I introduce the gentleman 30 00:01:46,825 --> 00:01:49,705 who's just opened the self-service department here? Mister... 31 00:01:49,705 --> 00:01:50,825 Carnegie. 32 00:01:50,825 --> 00:01:53,585 Mr. Carnegie, the scavenger gourmet from... 33 00:01:53,585 --> 00:01:55,625 The public health department. 34 00:01:55,625 --> 00:01:57,225 Yes, wh-where were you born? 35 00:01:57,225 --> 00:01:58,905 Scavenger or down here in the West country? 36 00:01:58,905 --> 00:02:00,785 Public health department? 37 00:02:00,785 --> 00:02:03,985 Here's the invoice for the meat, Mr. Carnegie. 38 00:02:03,985 --> 00:02:05,665 It's the six-monthly checkup. 39 00:02:05,665 --> 00:02:07,785 The meat was delivered on Wednesday. 40 00:02:07,785 --> 00:02:10,785 Yes. That would appear to be satisfactory. 41 00:02:10,785 --> 00:02:12,985 Oh good. Hope you didn't mind my little joke just now. 42 00:02:12,985 --> 00:02:15,055 Thank God we English can laugh at each other, eh? 43 00:02:20,065 --> 00:02:22,185 That's our... our new chef, just... just left. 44 00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:25,345 Just popped out for a quick prayer, I expect. 45 00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:27,865 - Mr. Fawlty? - Hello. 46 00:02:27,865 --> 00:02:29,785 These premises do not come up 47 00:02:29,785 --> 00:02:32,465 to the standard required by this authority. 48 00:02:32,465 --> 00:02:34,785 Unless appropriate steps are taken instantly, 49 00:02:34,785 --> 00:02:35,785 I shall have no alternative 50 00:02:35,785 --> 00:02:37,465 but to prosecute or recommend closure 51 00:02:37,465 --> 00:02:39,505 to the appropriate committee of the council. 52 00:02:39,505 --> 00:02:43,185 Specifically, lack of proper cleaning routines, 53 00:02:43,185 --> 00:02:45,225 dirty and greasy filters, 54 00:02:45,225 --> 00:02:47,305 greasy and encrusted deep fat fryer, 55 00:02:47,305 --> 00:02:49,785 dirty, cracked, and stained food preparation surfaces, 56 00:02:49,785 --> 00:02:52,105 dirty, cracked, and missing wall and floor tiles, 57 00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:54,505 dirty, marked, and stained utensils, 58 00:02:54,505 --> 00:02:56,385 dirty and greasy interior surfaces 59 00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:57,785 of the ventilator hoods. 60 00:02:57,785 --> 00:02:58,945 Yes, about the deep fat fryer... 61 00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:02,465 Inadequate temperature control and storage of dangerous foodstuffs, 62 00:03:02,465 --> 00:03:04,345 storage of cooked and raw meat in same trays, 63 00:03:04,345 --> 00:03:07,185 storage of raw meat above confectionery, 64 00:03:07,185 --> 00:03:09,145 with consequent dripping of meat juices 65 00:03:09,145 --> 00:03:10,305 onto cream products, 66 00:03:10,305 --> 00:03:12,785 refrigerator seals loose and cracked, 67 00:03:12,785 --> 00:03:13,825 ice box undefrosted, 68 00:03:13,825 --> 00:03:15,585 and refrigerator overstocked. 69 00:03:15,585 --> 00:03:17,065 Yes, say no more. 70 00:03:17,065 --> 00:03:20,145 Food handling routines suspect, 71 00:03:20,145 --> 00:03:23,665 evidence of smoking in food preparation area, 72 00:03:23,665 --> 00:03:26,025 dirty and grubby food handling overalls, 73 00:03:26,025 --> 00:03:28,785 lack of wash handbasin... which you gave us a verbal assurance 74 00:03:28,785 --> 00:03:31,785 you'd have installed on our last visit six months ago... 75 00:03:31,785 --> 00:03:33,821 and two dead pigeons in the water tank. 76 00:03:36,705 --> 00:03:38,905 Otherwise, okay? 77 00:03:38,905 --> 00:03:41,345 As I said, I shall refrain from serving 78 00:03:41,345 --> 00:03:43,825 a food hygiene notice today, but I shall return tomorrow. 79 00:03:43,825 --> 00:03:46,865 If the items on this list have not been rectified, 80 00:03:46,865 --> 00:03:48,785 I shall take immediate action. 81 00:03:48,785 --> 00:03:50,825 I have not had time to inspect the bedrooms 82 00:03:50,825 --> 00:03:52,705 and common passageways, 83 00:03:52,705 --> 00:03:53,905 but I shall be doing so tomorrow. 84 00:03:53,905 --> 00:03:56,465 Yes, of course. 85 00:03:56,465 --> 00:03:57,785 The only gourmets 86 00:03:57,785 --> 00:03:59,905 you'll find scavenging in this kitchen 87 00:03:59,905 --> 00:04:02,785 will be kamikaze ones. 88 00:04:02,785 --> 00:04:05,585 Thought we was in trouble there for a minute. 89 00:04:05,585 --> 00:04:07,785 We are in trouble. 90 00:04:07,785 --> 00:04:09,665 Piece of cake. 91 00:04:09,665 --> 00:04:11,625 Have you read this piece of cake? 92 00:04:11,625 --> 00:04:12,825 They gotta do that, ain't they? 93 00:04:12,825 --> 00:04:13,825 It's part of their job. 94 00:04:13,825 --> 00:04:15,545 Terry, this kitchen is filthy! 95 00:04:15,545 --> 00:04:17,785 Filthy Towers, eh? 96 00:04:17,785 --> 00:04:18,785 Now, look... 97 00:04:18,785 --> 00:04:19,865 All kitchens are filthy, Mr. Fawlty. 98 00:04:19,865 --> 00:04:21,785 In fact, the better the kitchen, the filthier it is. 99 00:04:21,785 --> 00:04:23,345 Have you ever read 100 00:04:23,345 --> 00:04:25,785 George Orwell's experiences at Maxim's in Paris? 101 00:04:25,785 --> 00:04:28,905 No, do you have a copy? I'll read it out in court. 102 00:04:28,905 --> 00:04:30,985 Don't just stand there gossiping. 103 00:04:30,985 --> 00:04:32,265 Go upstairs. 104 00:04:32,265 --> 00:04:34,545 I'm trying to point out to our alleged chef... 105 00:04:34,545 --> 00:04:35,905 Go upstairs and get Manuel, 106 00:04:35,905 --> 00:04:37,785 then check the bathrooms for soap and paper 107 00:04:37,785 --> 00:04:39,145 and get those pigeons out of the water tank. 108 00:04:39,145 --> 00:04:40,785 Yes, my little commandant. 109 00:04:40,785 --> 00:04:43,065 And see how many fire extinguishers are missing. 110 00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:44,785 Come on, Polly. We'll start in here. 111 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:47,015 Not in here, puss. 112 00:05:00,785 --> 00:05:02,785 Manuel, I'm sorry. This is an emergency. 113 00:05:02,785 --> 00:05:03,785 Important, sí? 114 00:05:03,785 --> 00:05:05,425 The health inspector's just been, 115 00:05:05,425 --> 00:05:06,865 things wrong with hotel. 116 00:05:06,865 --> 00:05:08,785 We put them right by tomorrow, all right? 117 00:05:08,785 --> 00:05:10,665 Now, Manuel, go up to the roof, sí? 118 00:05:10,665 --> 00:05:11,785 Yes, sí. 119 00:05:11,785 --> 00:05:13,785 No, no, come. I haven't told you yet. 120 00:05:13,785 --> 00:05:15,105 Go to the water tank. 121 00:05:15,105 --> 00:05:16,305 Water. 122 00:05:16,305 --> 00:05:17,585 Water tank. Water on roof, in tank. 123 00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:18,665 Sí, sí, sí. 124 00:05:18,665 --> 00:05:20,576 Two dead pigeons, in tank. Take out. 125 00:05:22,785 --> 00:05:24,065 It's not difficult, Manuel. 126 00:05:24,065 --> 00:05:26,025 This is not a proposition from Wittgenstein. 127 00:05:26,025 --> 00:05:29,097 Listen, two dead pigeons. Water tank. 128 00:05:32,705 --> 00:05:33,905 What is funny? 129 00:05:33,905 --> 00:05:35,054 How they get up there? 130 00:05:35,345 --> 00:05:37,017 How'd they...? They flew up there. 131 00:05:38,665 --> 00:05:40,064 That's right. 132 00:05:41,785 --> 00:05:43,305 Will you stop... will you just... 133 00:05:43,305 --> 00:05:45,305 will you pull... 134 00:05:45,305 --> 00:05:48,225 Not pigs! Pigeons! 135 00:05:48,225 --> 00:05:49,465 ¿Qué? 136 00:05:49,465 --> 00:05:51,305 Pigeon, pigeon. 137 00:05:51,305 --> 00:05:53,105 Like your English. 138 00:05:53,105 --> 00:05:56,105 "Piety, piffle, pig, pigeon!" Pigeon. 139 00:05:56,105 --> 00:05:57,705 "Piggy on..." 140 00:05:57,705 --> 00:05:59,065 Ah! 141 00:05:59,065 --> 00:06:00,785 What is that? 142 00:06:00,785 --> 00:06:03,060 Is my hamster. "Piggy-on." 143 00:06:04,785 --> 00:06:05,825 Hamster? 144 00:06:05,825 --> 00:06:07,385 Sí, sí. No, pidge-on. 145 00:06:07,385 --> 00:06:09,345 - Manuel, it's a rat. - Pidge-in. 146 00:06:09,345 --> 00:06:11,585 - It's a rat! - No, no, is hamster. 147 00:06:11,585 --> 00:06:12,785 Of course it's a rat. 148 00:06:12,785 --> 00:06:14,265 You have rats in Spain, don't you? 149 00:06:14,265 --> 00:06:15,985 Or did Franco have them all shot? 150 00:06:15,985 --> 00:06:18,665 No, is hamster. 151 00:06:18,665 --> 00:06:20,305 - It's a rat. - No, I think so too. 152 00:06:20,305 --> 00:06:23,385 I say to man in shop, "Is rat." 153 00:06:23,385 --> 00:06:25,785 He says, "No, no, no. Is a special kind of hamster. 154 00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:28,065 Is Filigree Siberian Hamster." 155 00:06:28,065 --> 00:06:29,105 Only one in shop. 156 00:06:29,105 --> 00:06:31,414 He make special price, only £5. 157 00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:35,545 Have you ever heard of the Bubonic Plague, Manuel? 158 00:06:35,545 --> 00:06:37,065 It was very popular here at one time. 159 00:06:37,065 --> 00:06:38,785 A lot of pedigreed hamsters 160 00:06:38,785 --> 00:06:40,705 came over on ships from Siberia. 161 00:06:40,705 --> 00:06:41,705 What you do?! 162 00:06:41,705 --> 00:06:42,785 Sorry, this is a rat. 163 00:06:42,785 --> 00:06:44,825 - No, no! Is hamster! - Is not hamster. 164 00:06:44,825 --> 00:06:46,865 Hamster are small and cuddly. 165 00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:49,743 Cuddle this, you'd never play the guitar again. 166 00:06:50,905 --> 00:06:52,585 Where you go? Where you take him? 167 00:06:52,585 --> 00:06:54,465 I'm sorry Manuel. He's got to go. 168 00:06:54,465 --> 00:06:55,465 - Go? No, no, no! - Yes. 169 00:06:55,465 --> 00:06:56,785 He mine. He stay with me. 170 00:06:56,785 --> 00:06:58,745 Now look! This is a hotel! 171 00:06:58,745 --> 00:06:59,905 The health inspector comes tomorrow. 172 00:06:59,905 --> 00:07:01,785 If he sees this, I, closed down. 173 00:07:01,785 --> 00:07:03,745 No warning, closed down. Finito. 174 00:07:03,745 --> 00:07:05,785 You, out of work. Back to Barcelona. 175 00:07:05,785 --> 00:07:07,585 He no hurt. He in cage. 176 00:07:07,585 --> 00:07:08,905 He safe. Please! Please! 177 00:07:08,905 --> 00:07:10,305 - Good morning, ladies. - What's the matter? 178 00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:11,905 He take my hamster! 179 00:07:11,905 --> 00:07:13,625 Please, no, Mr. Fawlty! 180 00:07:13,625 --> 00:07:14,625 I love him! 181 00:07:14,625 --> 00:07:16,025 How could you?! 182 00:07:16,025 --> 00:07:17,705 He take it from my room! 183 00:07:17,705 --> 00:07:18,705 There, there. 184 00:07:18,705 --> 00:07:19,865 It'll be all right. 185 00:07:19,865 --> 00:07:21,905 You can keep it in our room. 186 00:07:21,905 --> 00:07:24,745 That's right, we'll keep it in our room, Mr. Fawlty. 187 00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,064 We'll look after it. 188 00:07:27,545 --> 00:07:28,773 A rat! A rat! 189 00:07:29,905 --> 00:07:31,945 No, no. Is Siberian Hamster, 190 00:07:31,945 --> 00:07:33,344 Filigree. 191 00:07:35,465 --> 00:07:36,785 It's all right, 192 00:07:36,785 --> 00:07:38,776 it's only a Siberian Hamster. Just getting rid of it. 193 00:07:41,585 --> 00:07:42,825 Polly, Polly! He take my hamster. 194 00:07:42,825 --> 00:07:44,025 What? 195 00:07:44,025 --> 00:07:45,425 Mr. Fawlty take my hamster! 196 00:07:45,425 --> 00:07:46,824 He crazy, he think is rat! 197 00:07:47,825 --> 00:07:49,145 Manuel. 198 00:07:49,145 --> 00:07:50,134 Hmm? 199 00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:53,343 Prepare yourself for a shock. 200 00:07:54,785 --> 00:07:54,905 - Why didn't you check? - What? 201 00:07:54,905 --> 00:07:56,785 - Why didn't you check? - What? 202 00:07:56,785 --> 00:07:58,825 You mean he's had it for a whole year, 203 00:07:58,825 --> 00:07:59,945 and you've only just found out? 204 00:07:59,945 --> 00:08:01,905 Supposing the health inspector had seen it? 205 00:08:01,905 --> 00:08:02,905 I know. 206 00:08:02,905 --> 00:08:04,305 He could have closed us down. 207 00:08:04,305 --> 00:08:06,785 What are you going to do with it, Basil? 208 00:08:06,785 --> 00:08:07,865 You can't keep it in here. 209 00:08:07,865 --> 00:08:08,945 I know. 210 00:08:08,945 --> 00:08:10,385 And don't let it loose in the garden. 211 00:08:10,385 --> 00:08:11,545 It'll come back in the house. 212 00:08:11,545 --> 00:08:13,145 Can't we get you on "Mastermind," Sybil? 213 00:08:13,145 --> 00:08:15,785 Next contestant, Sybil Fawlty from Torquay, 214 00:08:15,785 --> 00:08:17,345 special subject, the bleedin' obvious! 215 00:08:17,345 --> 00:08:19,385 I wasn't going to let it go in the garden. 216 00:08:19,385 --> 00:08:21,185 What are you going to do with it? 217 00:08:21,185 --> 00:08:22,745 I don't know. I'll take it away. 218 00:08:22,745 --> 00:08:24,105 Let it go. Give it its freedom. 219 00:08:24,105 --> 00:08:25,145 You can't do that, Basil. 220 00:08:25,145 --> 00:08:26,705 He wouldn't be able to defend himself. 221 00:08:26,705 --> 00:08:27,905 He's a rat, isn't he? 222 00:08:27,905 --> 00:08:30,785 He's domesticated, aren't you? 223 00:08:30,785 --> 00:08:32,705 You're domesticated, you do all right. 224 00:08:32,705 --> 00:08:33,785 Basil! 225 00:08:33,785 --> 00:08:36,425 He won't get mugged by a gang of field mice, will he? 226 00:08:36,425 --> 00:08:38,785 Basil, he's Manuel's pet. 227 00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:40,785 We have a duty to it. 228 00:08:40,785 --> 00:08:42,825 Perhaps we could find a home for him. 229 00:08:42,825 --> 00:08:44,585 All right! I'll put an ad in the papers! 230 00:08:44,585 --> 00:08:45,865 Wanted... kind home 231 00:08:45,865 --> 00:08:48,265 for enormous savage rodent. 232 00:08:48,265 --> 00:08:49,785 Answers to the name of Sybil. 233 00:08:49,785 --> 00:08:51,785 Look, I'll take him out into the country... 234 00:08:51,785 --> 00:08:55,545 No! I cannot abide cruelty to living creatures. 235 00:08:55,545 --> 00:08:57,225 Well, I'm a creature, you can abide it to me. 236 00:08:57,225 --> 00:08:58,977 You're not living. 237 00:09:00,345 --> 00:09:02,385 Look, Manuel, we were just wondering... 238 00:09:02,385 --> 00:09:04,945 Mrs. Fawlty, please understand. If he go, I go. 239 00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:06,424 Well, goodbye. 240 00:09:07,785 --> 00:09:08,825 Please listen. 241 00:09:08,825 --> 00:09:10,665 You know, we really can't keep him here. 242 00:09:10,665 --> 00:09:11,745 The health inspector wouldn't... 243 00:09:11,745 --> 00:09:14,585 Mrs. Fawlty, he here one year, he do no harm. 244 00:09:14,585 --> 00:09:16,785 But, Manuel, listen. If they see your rat, 245 00:09:16,785 --> 00:09:19,025 they could close the hotel down. 246 00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:20,465 Perhaps it would be simplest 247 00:09:20,465 --> 00:09:23,025 to have him put to s-l-e-e-p. 248 00:09:23,025 --> 00:09:26,305 Who? Him or the rat? 249 00:09:26,305 --> 00:09:28,785 We might get a discount if we had 'em both done. 250 00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:30,065 "Spleep"? 251 00:09:30,065 --> 00:09:32,225 Manuel, I've rung my friend. 252 00:09:32,225 --> 00:09:33,305 It's all right. She'll take him. 253 00:09:33,305 --> 00:09:34,985 She has lots of animals, 254 00:09:34,985 --> 00:09:36,345 and it's not far from here, 255 00:09:36,345 --> 00:09:37,665 you can go see him whenever you want. 256 00:09:37,665 --> 00:09:38,825 Come on, we'll take him there now. 257 00:09:38,825 --> 00:09:41,025 - But he forget me! - Rats are like that. 258 00:09:41,025 --> 00:09:42,345 Don't get involved with them. 259 00:09:42,345 --> 00:09:44,585 I think it's the best solution, Manuel. 260 00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:46,655 Oh, he'll be happy. You'll see. 261 00:09:47,665 --> 00:09:49,065 Sad, isn't it? 262 00:09:49,065 --> 00:09:51,545 Well, look at it from the point of view of the rat. 263 00:09:51,545 --> 00:09:52,625 - What? - Would you want 264 00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:54,065 to spend the rest of your life 265 00:09:54,065 --> 00:09:55,783 with Manuel waiting on you? 266 00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:06,705 We've been through the cupboards, you're doing the walls, 267 00:10:06,705 --> 00:10:08,343 Terry, the filters, checked the fridges... 268 00:10:10,105 --> 00:10:11,777 Come here. 269 00:10:13,785 --> 00:10:15,265 Right, that's done. 270 00:10:15,265 --> 00:10:16,785 Now, Sybil, everything done here? 271 00:10:16,785 --> 00:10:18,505 Have you put the lid on the tank, Basil? 272 00:10:18,505 --> 00:10:20,585 That's why I've been on the roof the last 40 minutes. 273 00:10:20,585 --> 00:10:21,785 And you took the pigeons out? 274 00:10:21,785 --> 00:10:23,265 No, I left them in. They're nearly done. 275 00:10:23,265 --> 00:10:24,785 Now, walls? 276 00:10:24,785 --> 00:10:26,665 I've checked everything. 277 00:10:26,665 --> 00:10:27,825 Terry, the hoods. 278 00:10:27,825 --> 00:10:29,025 We've done the cupboards? 279 00:10:29,025 --> 00:10:30,665 - It's all been done, Basil. - The fridge. 280 00:10:30,665 --> 00:10:31,745 Have we got it all separate? 281 00:10:31,745 --> 00:10:32,785 Basil, I told you, it's all been done. 282 00:10:32,785 --> 00:10:33,825 Seals on the old fridge, the floor? 283 00:10:33,825 --> 00:10:35,025 I've checked it. 284 00:10:35,025 --> 00:10:36,945 Just running over the bleeding obvious, dear. 285 00:10:36,945 --> 00:10:39,665 So, all is shipshape and Bristol fashion, eh? 286 00:10:39,665 --> 00:10:41,383 All ready for old snoopy drawers? 287 00:10:46,785 --> 00:10:48,425 Is this about that rodent? 288 00:10:48,425 --> 00:10:50,785 Leave him alone, Basil, he's upset. 289 00:10:50,785 --> 00:10:52,785 He's not going to cheer up mooning about like that, is he? 290 00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:53,785 Just let him be. 291 00:10:53,785 --> 00:10:55,385 It doesn't help him, you encouraging it. 292 00:10:55,385 --> 00:10:56,705 You've got to get his mind off it. 293 00:10:56,705 --> 00:10:58,785 Well, Manuel, what do you think? 294 00:10:58,785 --> 00:11:00,145 Looks good, doesn't it, eh? 295 00:11:00,145 --> 00:11:01,705 All clean and shining bright? 296 00:11:01,705 --> 00:11:03,825 So empty, without him. 297 00:11:03,825 --> 00:11:05,941 Yes, but those walls look good, too. 298 00:11:06,465 --> 00:11:07,465 And the hoods, gleaming like that, 299 00:11:07,465 --> 00:11:08,745 isn't that a marvelous sight? 300 00:11:08,745 --> 00:11:10,505 Please leave me alone. I get over it. 301 00:11:10,505 --> 00:11:12,905 Yes, no point in letting it get you down. 302 00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:14,345 Plenty more fish in the sea, eh? 303 00:11:14,345 --> 00:11:15,905 - Don't! - What? 304 00:11:15,905 --> 00:11:17,785 Don't hit me. Always you hit me. 305 00:11:17,785 --> 00:11:19,825 I'm not hitting you, I'm trying to cheer you up. 306 00:11:19,825 --> 00:11:20,985 Let him be, Basil. 307 00:11:20,985 --> 00:11:23,585 Look, look... don't look at me 308 00:11:23,585 --> 00:11:24,825 with those awful cow eyes. 309 00:11:24,825 --> 00:11:26,785 Wh... why don't you go to the cinema tonight? 310 00:11:26,785 --> 00:11:28,025 Why don't you and Polly go 311 00:11:28,025 --> 00:11:29,345 to the ice rink? 312 00:11:29,345 --> 00:11:31,785 Why don't you... cheer up, for Christ's sake! 313 00:11:31,785 --> 00:11:32,945 Basil! 314 00:11:32,945 --> 00:11:35,425 I can not stand this awful self indulgence! 315 00:11:35,425 --> 00:11:37,385 Leave him alone, Basil, 316 00:11:37,385 --> 00:11:39,105 he's just depressed. 317 00:11:39,105 --> 00:11:40,545 Manuel, 318 00:11:40,545 --> 00:11:43,785 my wife informs me that you're depressed. 319 00:11:43,785 --> 00:11:45,145 Let me tell you something, 320 00:11:45,145 --> 00:11:48,465 depression is a very bad thing. 321 00:11:48,465 --> 00:11:50,105 It's like a virus. 322 00:11:50,105 --> 00:11:52,385 If you don't stamp on it, it spreads throughout the mind, 323 00:11:52,385 --> 00:11:54,265 and then one day, you wake up in the morning, 324 00:11:54,265 --> 00:11:55,585 and you can't face life anymore. 325 00:11:55,585 --> 00:11:58,145 And then you open a hotel. 326 00:11:59,665 --> 00:12:02,345 We didn't win the war by getting depressed, you know? 327 00:12:02,345 --> 00:12:04,625 - Manuel! - ¿Cômo? 328 00:12:04,625 --> 00:12:06,225 - Not so sad. - No? 329 00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:07,225 No, no. It's too much. 330 00:12:07,225 --> 00:12:08,785 - Too much? - Much too much. 331 00:12:08,785 --> 00:12:09,945 Just a little bit sad. 332 00:12:09,945 --> 00:12:11,305 - There's the food. - Ah, gracias. 333 00:12:11,305 --> 00:12:12,665 Don't forget the water. 334 00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,345 Ahh, Terry, Terry. Let me have a bit of that. 335 00:12:14,345 --> 00:12:15,385 That's fillet. 336 00:12:15,385 --> 00:12:16,705 Sí, sí, he like it. Please. 337 00:12:16,705 --> 00:12:18,025 Want some bearnaise with it? 338 00:12:18,025 --> 00:12:19,822 No, no... is chostelorol. 339 00:12:33,505 --> 00:12:34,540 Shoo. 340 00:12:45,185 --> 00:12:46,584 Basil? 341 00:12:50,785 --> 00:12:50,945 Thank you, Mr. Higgins. 342 00:12:50,945 --> 00:12:52,785 Thank you, Mr. Higgins. 343 00:12:52,785 --> 00:12:54,625 Thank you. 344 00:12:54,625 --> 00:12:56,065 And here's the picture. 345 00:12:56,065 --> 00:12:57,345 What? 346 00:12:57,345 --> 00:12:59,425 The picture. The one in your room. 347 00:12:59,425 --> 00:13:00,505 You said you liked it. 348 00:13:00,505 --> 00:13:01,665 Uh... Polly! 349 00:13:01,665 --> 00:13:03,105 - Shh! Wait! - Polly. 350 00:13:03,105 --> 00:13:05,025 No, I'm sorry. I really don't... 351 00:13:05,025 --> 00:13:07,545 just a fiver... you can have it on approval. 352 00:13:07,545 --> 00:13:08,785 Sorry. 353 00:13:08,785 --> 00:13:11,025 It's for my sister's eye operation. 354 00:13:11,025 --> 00:13:12,663 You bastard! 355 00:13:14,625 --> 00:13:16,105 - Polly! - Oh, what? 356 00:13:16,105 --> 00:13:17,305 - He gone! - What? 357 00:13:17,305 --> 00:13:18,465 He gone! He escape! 358 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,385 But how did he get out of the cage? 359 00:13:20,385 --> 00:13:22,825 I leave door open so he can exercise in shed. 360 00:13:22,825 --> 00:13:24,905 You dago dodo! 361 00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:27,505 You got it all over your front. 362 00:13:27,505 --> 00:13:28,785 ¿Qué? 363 00:13:28,785 --> 00:13:29,945 - Mucho salo. - What you do? 364 00:13:29,945 --> 00:13:30,945 Is dirty. 365 00:13:30,945 --> 00:13:32,625 Don't matter, what about Basil? 366 00:13:32,625 --> 00:13:33,985 Mr. Fawlty to you. 367 00:13:33,985 --> 00:13:35,145 No, no. Basil! 368 00:13:35,145 --> 00:13:36,865 Està aquí. 369 00:13:36,865 --> 00:13:38,145 Now go and clean it. 370 00:13:38,145 --> 00:13:40,265 Ah, sí, sí. 371 00:13:40,265 --> 00:13:41,785 Jolly good, polly. That's the way 372 00:13:41,785 --> 00:13:42,865 to snap him out of it. 373 00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,385 Morning, Fawlty. 374 00:13:44,385 --> 00:13:45,985 Hello, Major. There are the papers. 375 00:13:45,985 --> 00:13:47,465 That's where I left it. 376 00:13:47,465 --> 00:13:49,505 Strike, strike, strike. 377 00:13:49,505 --> 00:13:51,785 Why do we bother, Fawlty? 378 00:13:51,785 --> 00:13:53,776 Didn't know you did, Major. 379 00:13:59,585 --> 00:14:01,416 Boycott made a century. 380 00:14:06,185 --> 00:14:08,016 Stay where you are, old chap. 381 00:14:11,705 --> 00:14:13,263 Don't move. 382 00:14:23,585 --> 00:14:25,985 Terry, give these a rinse, will you? 383 00:14:25,985 --> 00:14:27,345 I have. 384 00:14:27,345 --> 00:14:28,425 Well, they're still dirty. 385 00:14:28,425 --> 00:14:29,778 Put them in the dishwasher. 386 00:14:47,785 --> 00:14:49,265 Do you need any help, Major? 387 00:14:49,265 --> 00:14:50,778 Don't move! 388 00:14:52,145 --> 00:14:53,544 Vermin. 389 00:14:55,865 --> 00:14:58,185 We haven't got any, this week, Major. 390 00:14:58,185 --> 00:14:59,265 Hmm? 391 00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:00,785 No Germans staying this week, Major. 392 00:15:00,785 --> 00:15:01,945 May I have that? 393 00:15:01,945 --> 00:15:03,585 Goin' to shoot him, Fawlty. 394 00:15:03,585 --> 00:15:04,785 - Major? - Hmm? 395 00:15:04,785 --> 00:15:06,785 Not legal actually, anymore, murder. 396 00:15:06,785 --> 00:15:08,505 But they're animals, Fawlty! 397 00:15:08,505 --> 00:15:10,385 Oh, yes, yes. Still, forgive and forget, eh? 398 00:15:10,385 --> 00:15:11,785 Forgive 'em? 399 00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:12,825 Well, pretend we do. 400 00:15:12,825 --> 00:15:14,905 But they spread disease, Fawlty. 401 00:15:14,905 --> 00:15:17,185 He was sitting there, on that table, 402 00:15:17,185 --> 00:15:18,785 eating the nuts, if you please. 403 00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:19,865 He's really gone this time. 404 00:15:19,865 --> 00:15:21,945 About that size, 405 00:15:21,945 --> 00:15:23,856 that... with the tail. 406 00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:27,819 Tail? 407 00:15:28,865 --> 00:15:29,905 What did you say he was? 408 00:15:29,905 --> 00:15:32,260 Vermin. A dirty rat. 409 00:15:36,505 --> 00:15:37,705 How long ago? 410 00:15:37,705 --> 00:15:38,705 About two minutes ago. 411 00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,705 Stay there, Major. Stay there. 412 00:15:40,705 --> 00:15:42,105 If you see him, give me a shout. 413 00:15:42,105 --> 00:15:43,458 Will do. 414 00:15:49,065 --> 00:15:52,694 I'm just cleaning behind the fridge, Mr. Fawlty. 415 00:15:55,145 --> 00:15:56,785 Basil. 416 00:15:56,785 --> 00:15:59,385 Basil... Cheesies. 417 00:15:59,385 --> 00:16:02,225 - Bas... - Yes? 418 00:16:02,225 --> 00:16:03,705 Here I am! 419 00:16:03,705 --> 00:16:05,785 - Hello, Mr. Fawlty. - That's for me, is it? 420 00:16:05,785 --> 00:16:07,264 Thank you. Hmm. 421 00:16:08,745 --> 00:16:10,345 Shall I get you some more? There's plenty... 422 00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:11,585 He's called Basil, is he? 423 00:16:11,585 --> 00:16:13,305 Don't play dumb with me. I trusted you. 424 00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:14,785 You're responsible for this. 425 00:16:14,785 --> 00:16:16,545 "My friend will look after him, Mr. Fawlty!" 426 00:16:16,545 --> 00:16:17,773 Just... 427 00:16:21,905 --> 00:16:23,385 Come on. Come on out. 428 00:16:23,385 --> 00:16:24,784 Come on. Basil's here. 429 00:16:26,025 --> 00:16:27,545 Have you got him? 430 00:16:27,545 --> 00:16:28,625 He's under there. 431 00:16:28,625 --> 00:16:29,899 Right. I'll get him. 432 00:16:32,385 --> 00:16:33,745 Cleaning behind the fridge? 433 00:16:33,745 --> 00:16:35,265 Well, you've got a lot on your mind. 434 00:16:35,265 --> 00:16:36,385 We didn't want to worry you, Mr. F... 435 00:16:36,385 --> 00:16:37,865 What do you mean? A public health inspector 436 00:16:37,865 --> 00:16:40,265 coming after a 24 hour warning and a rat loose in the hotel, 437 00:16:40,265 --> 00:16:41,585 is that what you mean? 438 00:16:41,585 --> 00:16:43,305 He must have escaped, Mr. Fawlty, and come back. 439 00:16:43,305 --> 00:16:44,665 Come back? 440 00:16:44,665 --> 00:16:46,337 They home. 441 00:16:47,785 --> 00:16:49,945 Oh, I see. He's a homing rat, is he? 442 00:16:49,945 --> 00:16:51,665 Oh yeah. 443 00:16:51,665 --> 00:16:54,145 Rats are amazing creatures, Mr. Fawlty. 444 00:16:54,145 --> 00:16:55,505 I read about one once. 445 00:16:55,505 --> 00:16:57,505 His owner had gone down to Penzance... 446 00:16:57,505 --> 00:16:58,785 Yes, yes. I read about that. 447 00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,505 When the chef got filleted with his own carving knife? 448 00:17:00,505 --> 00:17:02,825 No, honest, scout's honor. 449 00:17:02,825 --> 00:17:04,105 We'll find him, Mr. Fawlty! 450 00:17:04,105 --> 00:17:05,585 Well, if you could. That would be lovely, 451 00:17:05,585 --> 00:17:07,265 before they close us down. Super! 452 00:17:07,265 --> 00:17:09,265 Well, let's have a little Basil hunt, shall we? 453 00:17:09,265 --> 00:17:10,825 And then we'll deal with the sackings later on. 454 00:17:10,825 --> 00:17:12,705 - I'll do the cellar. - I'll do this floor. 455 00:17:12,705 --> 00:17:13,705 Manuel, you check your room. 456 00:17:13,705 --> 00:17:15,545 Start in the bar. He was there two minutes ago. 457 00:17:15,545 --> 00:17:16,773 I'll do the kitchen. 458 00:17:17,905 --> 00:17:19,179 I've done all them. 459 00:17:46,825 --> 00:17:49,505 Oh, Mr. Carnegie. Good morning. 460 00:17:49,505 --> 00:17:50,779 Good morning, Mrs. Fawlty. 461 00:17:52,785 --> 00:17:54,985 Hello. Nice to see you. 462 00:17:54,985 --> 00:17:57,585 Would you like coffee before we adjourn to... 463 00:17:57,585 --> 00:17:59,785 No, thank you. If we start upstairs with the water tanks. 464 00:17:59,785 --> 00:18:01,145 - Ah, good idea. - What? 465 00:18:01,145 --> 00:18:02,825 Good thinking, about starting upstairs. 466 00:18:02,825 --> 00:18:04,785 Sybil, would you like to show Mr. Carnegie up? 467 00:18:04,785 --> 00:18:05,785 I was just going to, Basil. 468 00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:07,585 And I'll keep an eye on things down here, 469 00:18:07,585 --> 00:18:08,779 find something to get on with. 470 00:18:10,225 --> 00:18:11,585 God! What was that? 471 00:18:11,585 --> 00:18:14,145 Bloody television exploding again. 472 00:18:14,145 --> 00:18:15,785 I'll deal with it, you go upstairs. 473 00:18:15,785 --> 00:18:16,985 That was a gun! 474 00:18:16,985 --> 00:18:19,818 Yes, it did sound like it, didn't it? 475 00:18:22,225 --> 00:18:23,585 Moths. 476 00:18:23,585 --> 00:18:25,425 What is going on here? 477 00:18:25,425 --> 00:18:27,385 I'll get him! 478 00:18:27,385 --> 00:18:29,465 He'll come back for the nuts, you know? 479 00:18:29,465 --> 00:18:31,785 He was sniffing around here just now. 480 00:18:31,785 --> 00:18:33,105 Sorry, sorry, Major. 481 00:18:33,105 --> 00:18:35,305 It wasn't the television at all. It was just this gun. 482 00:18:35,305 --> 00:18:37,145 I'll put it under lock and key straightaway. 483 00:18:37,145 --> 00:18:39,345 Why was he firing it in the hotel? 484 00:18:39,345 --> 00:18:40,545 Shooting starlings. 485 00:18:40,545 --> 00:18:41,585 In the bar? 486 00:18:41,585 --> 00:18:42,825 Through the window. I'll lock it away. 487 00:18:42,825 --> 00:18:44,625 - Is it licensed? - Oh, yes. Oh, yes. 488 00:18:44,625 --> 00:18:46,825 You do realize that under the health and safety act 489 00:18:46,825 --> 00:18:48,585 it is your responsibility? 490 00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:49,665 Oh, yes. I'm terribly sorry. 491 00:18:49,665 --> 00:18:51,265 It's never happened before, Mr. Carnegie. 492 00:18:51,265 --> 00:18:53,905 I'll have to notify the police, of course. They will take steps. 493 00:18:53,905 --> 00:18:55,665 ¿Qué? Polly, ¿Qué ha pasado? 494 00:18:55,665 --> 00:18:57,585 - It's all right, Manuel. - Is he all right? 495 00:18:57,585 --> 00:18:58,785 - Yes. - He no dead? 496 00:18:58,785 --> 00:19:00,505 No, it was just the Major letting the gun off. 497 00:19:00,505 --> 00:19:02,785 The Major tried to kill Basil?! 498 00:19:02,785 --> 00:19:04,105 Kill Basil?! 499 00:19:04,105 --> 00:19:06,785 No, not Mr. Fawlty. I mean Basil, my little... 500 00:19:06,785 --> 00:19:08,305 Ratatouille! 501 00:19:08,305 --> 00:19:09,545 Basil. The little... 502 00:19:09,545 --> 00:19:11,025 Ratatouille. 503 00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,905 The chef calls the Ratatouille Basil, 504 00:19:12,905 --> 00:19:15,180 because he puts quite a lot of basil in it. 505 00:19:16,265 --> 00:19:18,385 He put Basil in the Ratatouille? 506 00:19:18,385 --> 00:19:19,818 Yes! 507 00:19:26,025 --> 00:19:28,459 He's from Barcelona. 508 00:19:32,985 --> 00:19:35,705 You know, typical Latin, really. 509 00:19:35,705 --> 00:19:36,825 Would you like to... 510 00:19:36,825 --> 00:19:39,345 - Why you do this? - I 'aven't, I 'aven't! 511 00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,105 Polly say you put Basil in ratatouille. 512 00:19:41,105 --> 00:19:43,785 I haven't made any bleeding ratatouille! 513 00:19:43,785 --> 00:19:44,945 Manuel! 514 00:19:44,945 --> 00:19:46,785 Well, why you say he put Basil in ratatouille? 515 00:19:46,785 --> 00:19:48,785 I had to say something. That was the health inspector. 516 00:19:48,785 --> 00:19:49,865 Now, will you calm down? 517 00:19:49,865 --> 00:19:51,705 - Where is he? - Oh, I don't know! 518 00:19:51,705 --> 00:19:53,425 - Perhaps he dead. - Oh, 'e's all right. 519 00:19:53,425 --> 00:19:55,585 Give us the veal. I've got to get lunch ready. 520 00:19:55,585 --> 00:19:56,785 How you know he's all right? 521 00:19:56,785 --> 00:19:59,425 The Major fire his gun, perhaps he hit. I find him! 522 00:19:59,425 --> 00:20:01,425 Sorry, Polly. 523 00:20:01,425 --> 00:20:04,065 Oh, pick 'em up quick, before 'e gets in here. 524 00:20:04,065 --> 00:20:06,345 That's it, Major. You've nearly got it. 525 00:20:06,345 --> 00:20:08,065 The thing is, not a word about rats. 526 00:20:08,065 --> 00:20:09,785 You were shooting a starling, all right? 527 00:20:09,785 --> 00:20:10,785 - A starling. - Yes. 528 00:20:10,785 --> 00:20:11,945 - Through the window. - Right. 529 00:20:11,945 --> 00:20:14,785 But, Fawlty, how did the starling get in the bar? 530 00:20:14,785 --> 00:20:16,745 No, no, no. You were in the bar. 531 00:20:16,745 --> 00:20:17,785 - I was in the bar? - Yes! 532 00:20:17,785 --> 00:20:18,905 Yes, I was! 533 00:20:18,905 --> 00:20:20,665 And the starling was in the garden, 534 00:20:20,665 --> 00:20:22,585 and the rat was nowhere at all. 535 00:20:22,585 --> 00:20:23,654 Well, I didn't see him. 536 00:20:24,785 --> 00:20:27,025 Say good night to the folks, Gracie. 537 00:20:27,025 --> 00:20:28,545 All right, Terry. Everything under control? 538 00:20:28,545 --> 00:20:29,785 Yeah. Is he still...? 539 00:20:29,785 --> 00:20:31,785 No, he started upstairs. God knows where that rat is. 540 00:20:31,785 --> 00:20:32,854 Tch! Oh, puss. 541 00:20:35,785 --> 00:20:37,105 Come on, puss. 542 00:20:37,105 --> 00:20:39,300 Out you go. 543 00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:45,582 Oh, uh... I put some... 544 00:20:46,785 --> 00:20:47,785 - Terry? - Yeah? 545 00:20:47,785 --> 00:20:49,665 There was a piece of veal down here. 546 00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:51,105 Yeah, I got 'em all up, Mr. Fawlty. 547 00:20:51,105 --> 00:20:53,265 - What? - We picked 'em all up. 548 00:20:53,265 --> 00:20:54,665 Got the veals, Terry? 549 00:20:54,665 --> 00:20:55,665 Yeah, here they are, Poll. 550 00:20:55,665 --> 00:20:56,785 Terry, listen to me. 551 00:20:56,785 --> 00:20:58,265 What do you mean, "You picked them all up"? 552 00:20:58,265 --> 00:21:00,017 Manuel knocked 'em over. We picked 'em all up. 553 00:21:01,545 --> 00:21:03,465 - Oh, my God! - What's the matter? 554 00:21:03,465 --> 00:21:05,774 One of them's got rat poison on it. 555 00:21:08,865 --> 00:21:10,745 Sorry, sorry! 556 00:21:10,745 --> 00:21:12,305 Veal's off, sorry. 557 00:21:12,305 --> 00:21:13,705 That's veal? 558 00:21:13,705 --> 00:21:14,785 No, no, this is... veal substitute. 559 00:21:14,785 --> 00:21:16,465 We're giving it a try, 560 00:21:16,465 --> 00:21:18,305 and it's a bit of a disappointment, I'm afraid. 561 00:21:18,305 --> 00:21:19,785 In fact, it's no substitute at all. 562 00:21:19,785 --> 00:21:21,184 Polly, would you take the order again, please? 563 00:21:22,545 --> 00:21:24,025 Thank you, thank you so much. 564 00:21:24,025 --> 00:21:25,505 I'm sorry about that. 565 00:21:25,505 --> 00:21:26,865 Would you like the lamb or the plaice? 566 00:21:26,865 --> 00:21:28,139 Veal substitute? 567 00:21:28,345 --> 00:21:31,505 Well, it's Japanese, actually, 568 00:21:31,505 --> 00:21:34,305 soya beans and essence of cow. 569 00:21:34,305 --> 00:21:36,065 Seals? 570 00:21:36,065 --> 00:21:37,985 We've moved all the meat into this one, 571 00:21:37,985 --> 00:21:39,498 and we've put the confectionery... 572 00:21:40,825 --> 00:21:43,185 Ahem! A bottle of the beaujolais, please. 573 00:21:43,185 --> 00:21:44,585 Certainly. 574 00:21:44,585 --> 00:21:46,825 - And the wash handbasin? - We ordered it yesterday. 575 00:21:46,825 --> 00:21:49,825 Here's the acknowledgement of the order. 576 00:21:49,825 --> 00:21:51,905 Well, it would appear that this kitchen 577 00:21:51,905 --> 00:21:54,065 is now in a satisfactory condition. 578 00:21:54,065 --> 00:21:57,545 I shall be writing to confirm... 579 00:21:57,545 --> 00:21:59,465 Sorry, it slipped. 580 00:21:59,465 --> 00:22:01,825 ...the outstanding points, 581 00:22:01,825 --> 00:22:03,185 and someone will be dropping in 582 00:22:03,185 --> 00:22:04,905 to carry out a future random inspection 583 00:22:04,905 --> 00:22:07,305 to make sure these standards are being maintained. 584 00:22:07,305 --> 00:22:09,585 - Thank you. - Marvelous. 585 00:22:09,585 --> 00:22:11,185 It's 10 to 1:00. 586 00:22:11,185 --> 00:22:12,945 I'd like to take lunch here, if I may? 587 00:22:12,945 --> 00:22:14,785 Certainly, Mr. Carnegie. 588 00:22:14,785 --> 00:22:16,185 I couldn't help noticing 589 00:22:16,185 --> 00:22:17,777 you had some veal over here... 590 00:22:20,785 --> 00:22:21,985 Veal? 591 00:22:21,985 --> 00:22:23,385 Yes, it's Dutch. 592 00:22:23,385 --> 00:22:26,065 It's not Dutch, actually. It's Norwegian. 593 00:22:26,065 --> 00:22:27,465 - Norwegian? - Yes. 594 00:22:27,465 --> 00:22:28,785 Not the absolute apex, quite honestly. 595 00:22:28,785 --> 00:22:30,745 Terry, the veal is Dutch, isn't it? 596 00:22:30,745 --> 00:22:32,345 Norwegian, Mrs. Fawlty. 597 00:22:32,345 --> 00:22:34,785 I've been in this business 20 years, 598 00:22:34,785 --> 00:22:36,785 I've never heard of Norwegian veal. 599 00:22:36,785 --> 00:22:38,265 They've only just branched into it. 600 00:22:38,265 --> 00:22:39,785 I don't think it's a winner, frankly, 601 00:22:39,785 --> 00:22:41,065 more of a veal substitute. 602 00:22:41,065 --> 00:22:43,345 It's got a lot of air pockets in it, that sort of thing. 603 00:22:43,345 --> 00:22:44,745 - The lamb is Dutch. - Dutch? 604 00:22:44,745 --> 00:22:45,945 English, I mean. We call it Dutch 'cause 605 00:22:45,945 --> 00:22:47,425 it's as good as the veal. Better, honestly. 606 00:22:47,425 --> 00:22:49,465 - I prefer the veal. - How about lobster? 607 00:22:49,465 --> 00:22:51,305 Would you prefer lobster? A couple of lobsters? 608 00:22:51,305 --> 00:22:52,785 It's frightfully good at the moment. 609 00:22:52,785 --> 00:22:53,905 It's not expensive this week. 610 00:22:53,905 --> 00:22:55,545 We've got so much, we're having a sale 611 00:22:55,545 --> 00:22:57,865 to try and shift it all. 75p each, two for £1. 612 00:22:57,865 --> 00:22:59,065 Can't say fairer than that. 613 00:22:59,065 --> 00:23:00,625 Just the veal. 614 00:23:00,625 --> 00:23:02,385 If you like the veal... perhaps you'd prefer the chicken? 615 00:23:02,385 --> 00:23:03,705 Basil, he wants the veal. 616 00:23:03,705 --> 00:23:05,665 Could I make a phone call? 617 00:23:05,665 --> 00:23:07,625 Yes, of course. Through here. 618 00:23:07,625 --> 00:23:09,745 What's all this about rat poison on the veal? 619 00:23:09,745 --> 00:23:11,025 He's put rat poison on one, 620 00:23:11,025 --> 00:23:12,185 they've got mixed up, 621 00:23:12,185 --> 00:23:13,625 and nobody knows which is which now. 622 00:23:13,625 --> 00:23:15,505 Well, what happened to the one the cat ate? 623 00:23:15,505 --> 00:23:17,145 - The cat?! - That's no good. 624 00:23:17,145 --> 00:23:19,065 That might have poison on it too. 625 00:23:19,065 --> 00:23:21,105 - Well, where is it? - What? 626 00:23:21,105 --> 00:23:23,025 Where's the cat's slice? 627 00:23:23,025 --> 00:23:24,545 Up here. 628 00:23:24,545 --> 00:23:27,225 Right. Now, how's the cat? 629 00:23:27,225 --> 00:23:29,705 How's the cat? 630 00:23:29,705 --> 00:23:32,225 We're about to take the life of a public health inspector 631 00:23:32,225 --> 00:23:34,305 and you want to know "How's the cat?"! 632 00:23:34,305 --> 00:23:36,305 It's gone to London to see the queen! 633 00:23:36,305 --> 00:23:37,785 What are we going to do? 634 00:23:37,785 --> 00:23:38,905 - He's all right! - Great! 635 00:23:38,905 --> 00:23:41,065 Hooray! Hooray! The cat lives! 636 00:23:41,065 --> 00:23:42,825 The cat lives! Long live the cat! 637 00:23:42,825 --> 00:23:44,345 What are we going to do?! 638 00:23:44,345 --> 00:23:45,345 Mr. Fawlty, 639 00:23:45,345 --> 00:23:46,985 if the cat is all right, 640 00:23:46,985 --> 00:23:49,545 that means that slice is all right. 641 00:23:49,545 --> 00:23:51,385 But how long would it take to work? 642 00:23:51,385 --> 00:23:52,665 That stuff? Two minutes. 643 00:23:52,665 --> 00:23:54,345 He had this 10 minutes ago at least. 644 00:23:54,345 --> 00:23:55,785 It's a bit chewed there. 645 00:23:55,785 --> 00:23:57,104 I'll give it a trim. 646 00:24:00,385 --> 00:24:02,785 You're driving over to Babbacombe this afternoon? 647 00:24:02,785 --> 00:24:04,855 Yes, we're... 648 00:24:06,425 --> 00:24:08,825 What is a plate of veal doing there? 649 00:24:08,825 --> 00:24:11,783 I'll just relieve you of it, shall I? 650 00:24:13,385 --> 00:24:14,865 Do sit down, Mr. Carnegie. 651 00:24:14,865 --> 00:24:15,865 He just has, Basil. 652 00:24:15,865 --> 00:24:16,865 On a plate of veal. 653 00:24:16,865 --> 00:24:18,545 - Has it put you off? - What? 654 00:24:18,545 --> 00:24:19,785 Has it put you off the veal? At all? 655 00:24:19,785 --> 00:24:21,785 I'm not eating that one, if that's what you mean. 656 00:24:21,785 --> 00:24:23,785 Stop! Halt! 657 00:24:23,785 --> 00:24:26,065 Sorry, I think there might be another one. 658 00:24:26,065 --> 00:24:27,225 Excuse me. 659 00:24:27,225 --> 00:24:28,977 Ah, yes. Lucky guess. 660 00:24:30,345 --> 00:24:32,665 Well, who's responsible for putting them there? 661 00:24:32,665 --> 00:24:33,985 Manuel, our Spanish waiter. 662 00:24:33,985 --> 00:24:35,705 Thank you. 663 00:24:35,705 --> 00:24:37,745 Now, would you care to take 664 00:24:37,745 --> 00:24:39,505 a seat right here? Please. 665 00:24:39,505 --> 00:24:41,665 - Does he do it often? - Oh no, no. 666 00:24:41,665 --> 00:24:43,785 It's the first time. Sometimes looks as if he's going to. 667 00:24:43,785 --> 00:24:44,985 We always catch him, of course. 668 00:24:44,985 --> 00:24:46,865 Here's your veal, Mr. Carnegie, 669 00:24:46,865 --> 00:24:48,945 - And one green salad. - Thank you. 670 00:24:48,945 --> 00:24:50,776 Ah, bon. Good appetit. 671 00:24:55,865 --> 00:24:56,980 Well done, Terry. 672 00:25:12,785 --> 00:25:15,743 Sorry, not hot enough. 673 00:25:16,665 --> 00:25:18,785 Not big enough, sorry. 674 00:25:18,785 --> 00:25:20,385 - What? - Not big enough, sorry. 675 00:25:20,385 --> 00:25:21,784 Excuse me. Really, Polly! 676 00:25:28,145 --> 00:25:29,145 What are you doing?! 677 00:25:29,145 --> 00:25:30,945 Well, if that's the one, these are okay. 678 00:25:30,945 --> 00:25:32,585 - What? - If that's the poison one, 679 00:25:32,585 --> 00:25:33,779 these are all right. 680 00:25:35,785 --> 00:25:36,785 Brilliant! 681 00:25:36,785 --> 00:25:38,945 Great, right. Okay. 682 00:25:38,945 --> 00:25:39,985 Basil, what is going on? 683 00:25:39,985 --> 00:25:41,785 That was the poisoned one. The cat had it. 684 00:25:41,785 --> 00:25:43,265 The cat! 685 00:25:43,265 --> 00:25:44,865 Poisoned? 686 00:25:44,865 --> 00:25:47,425 Yes, so that one... must be okay, hmm? 687 00:25:47,865 --> 00:25:49,305 Basil... 688 00:25:49,305 --> 00:25:51,345 Sorry, just getting you a proper sized one. 689 00:25:51,345 --> 00:25:52,865 It was big enough. It was all I wanted. 690 00:25:52,865 --> 00:25:54,225 Well, it could have been a bit hotter. 691 00:25:54,225 --> 00:25:56,105 - Well, not much, but... - Look... 692 00:25:56,105 --> 00:25:58,105 Yes, yes. It's just coming. Won't be a second. 693 00:25:58,105 --> 00:25:59,777 Manuel, would you... 694 00:26:00,985 --> 00:26:03,785 Here. 695 00:26:03,785 --> 00:26:05,785 - What? - Look, he's all right. Look! 696 00:26:05,785 --> 00:26:07,865 - He can't be. - Well, he is. 697 00:26:07,865 --> 00:26:08,865 Here ya are, Poll. 698 00:26:08,865 --> 00:26:10,425 - Oh. - He can't be! 699 00:26:10,425 --> 00:26:11,625 What do you mean? 700 00:26:11,625 --> 00:26:12,785 He was vomiting. 701 00:26:12,785 --> 00:26:13,774 Vomiting? 702 00:26:16,505 --> 00:26:18,025 That's just fur balls, Basil. 703 00:26:18,025 --> 00:26:19,985 - What?! - That's just fur balls. 704 00:26:19,985 --> 00:26:22,465 He does that all the time in the summer. 705 00:26:22,465 --> 00:26:23,785 But... but if he's all right, 706 00:26:23,785 --> 00:26:25,465 that one might... 707 00:26:25,465 --> 00:26:27,065 Polly, Polly! Too much. 708 00:26:27,065 --> 00:26:28,305 What? 709 00:26:28,305 --> 00:26:29,785 Too much. Too much of a good thing 710 00:26:29,785 --> 00:26:31,665 always leaves one wanting less, I always find. 711 00:26:31,665 --> 00:26:33,225 - Ugh. - What's wrong now? 712 00:26:33,225 --> 00:26:34,385 We wouldn't want you to think 713 00:26:34,385 --> 00:26:35,545 that just because you were one 714 00:26:35,545 --> 00:26:36,745 of her Majesty's civil servants, 715 00:26:36,745 --> 00:26:38,265 we were showing you any excess favoritism. 716 00:26:38,265 --> 00:26:39,505 I'm sure you wouldn't want that. 717 00:26:39,505 --> 00:26:43,225 Oh! So you're the rat inspector! 718 00:26:43,225 --> 00:26:46,025 Sorry, Fawlty! Starling inspector. 719 00:26:46,025 --> 00:26:47,663 Starling inspector? 720 00:26:52,785 --> 00:26:54,785 - One for you. - Thank you. 721 00:26:54,785 --> 00:26:56,138 - And one for you. - Thank you. 722 00:27:05,105 --> 00:27:06,625 Do you mind? 723 00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:07,825 ¿Qué? 724 00:27:07,825 --> 00:27:12,341 We'll have one Windsor soup, one paté, please. 725 00:27:14,785 --> 00:27:15,985 One Windsor... 726 00:27:15,985 --> 00:27:17,100 Shh! 727 00:27:18,785 --> 00:27:18,945 If the cat's slice is all right, 728 00:27:18,945 --> 00:27:20,505 If the cat's slice is all right, 729 00:27:20,505 --> 00:27:21,785 that might be the poisoned one. 730 00:27:21,785 --> 00:27:23,065 - No, no. - Yes, he's right. 731 00:27:23,065 --> 00:27:24,585 And if the cat's one is all right... 732 00:27:24,585 --> 00:27:25,585 Which it is... 733 00:27:25,585 --> 00:27:26,785 We can give him that, can't we? 734 00:27:26,785 --> 00:27:27,785 Right! 735 00:27:27,785 --> 00:27:28,865 - Mr. Fawlty? - Shut up! 736 00:27:28,865 --> 00:27:30,585 But, Terry, that's got things on it. 737 00:27:30,585 --> 00:27:31,865 That's all right, Mrs. Fawlty. 738 00:27:31,865 --> 00:27:33,025 What the eye don't see, 739 00:27:33,025 --> 00:27:34,345 the chef gets away with. 740 00:27:34,345 --> 00:27:35,345 - Mr. Fawlty? - What is it?! 741 00:27:35,345 --> 00:27:36,345 Table seven! 742 00:27:36,345 --> 00:27:37,334 - What? - Basil! 743 00:27:39,705 --> 00:27:41,425 Sorry, it's just coming. 744 00:27:41,425 --> 00:27:42,905 - Excuse me. - Of course, 745 00:27:42,905 --> 00:27:44,745 Good afternoon, sir. Good afternoon, madam. 746 00:27:44,745 --> 00:27:46,785 I was just trying to give an order to your waiter, 747 00:27:46,785 --> 00:27:48,537 and he walked away while I was doing it. 748 00:27:51,425 --> 00:27:52,585 Hmm? 749 00:27:52,585 --> 00:27:54,416 He wasn't paying attention at all. 750 00:27:57,105 --> 00:27:58,777 I'm so sorry. What were you saying? 751 00:27:59,945 --> 00:28:01,465 The waiter wasn't listening 752 00:28:01,465 --> 00:28:03,465 when I was giving him our order. 753 00:28:03,465 --> 00:28:05,785 He seemed more interested in my fianceé's legs. 754 00:28:05,785 --> 00:28:07,776 Really? May I? 755 00:28:12,785 --> 00:28:13,905 I don't think so. 756 00:28:13,905 --> 00:28:15,945 In fact, I think there's a bread roll down there. 757 00:28:15,945 --> 00:28:17,585 May I give my order? 758 00:28:17,585 --> 00:28:18,785 Oh, please. Of course. 759 00:28:18,785 --> 00:28:21,379 We'd like one Windsor soup and one paté, and then a... 760 00:28:23,785 --> 00:28:25,465 Just doing my shoelace up. 761 00:28:25,465 --> 00:28:26,905 Are you going to take my order? 762 00:28:26,905 --> 00:28:28,785 Yes. Polly, would you take... 763 00:28:28,785 --> 00:28:30,705 take the order here, please, on this table? 764 00:28:30,705 --> 00:28:31,785 Thank you so much. 765 00:28:31,785 --> 00:28:34,505 We'd like one Windsor soup. 766 00:28:34,505 --> 00:28:36,145 One Windsor. 767 00:28:36,145 --> 00:28:37,305 One paté. 768 00:28:37,305 --> 00:28:38,465 He's there, he's there. 769 00:28:38,465 --> 00:28:39,705 - What? - They're there. 770 00:28:39,705 --> 00:28:40,785 What do you mean, "They're there"? 771 00:28:40,785 --> 00:28:41,785 It's all there. 772 00:28:41,785 --> 00:28:43,345 There, there, there, and there. 773 00:28:43,345 --> 00:28:44,785 All there for your enjoyment. 774 00:28:44,785 --> 00:28:45,785 And one paté? 775 00:28:45,785 --> 00:28:47,785 Manuel, would you get the bread roll, please? 776 00:28:47,785 --> 00:28:49,705 No, no, no. Get the box! 777 00:28:49,705 --> 00:28:52,785 We have a box, a bread box. 778 00:28:52,785 --> 00:28:54,825 For any bread that has gone past its prime. 779 00:28:54,825 --> 00:28:56,785 And you'd both like the... 780 00:28:56,785 --> 00:28:57,905 The veal. 781 00:28:57,905 --> 00:28:59,745 The veal's off, I'm afraid. 782 00:28:59,745 --> 00:29:01,985 How can it be? You've only just started. 783 00:29:01,985 --> 00:29:03,785 - Shh, shh! - Don't "shh" me! 784 00:29:03,785 --> 00:29:06,265 Sorry, but the veal is, in fact, off. 785 00:29:06,265 --> 00:29:08,105 It was never really on. That's a misprint. 786 00:29:08,105 --> 00:29:10,585 - A misprint? - Yes. It should say... 787 00:29:10,585 --> 00:29:11,779 Eel. 788 00:29:12,825 --> 00:29:14,145 Eel scallop... 789 00:29:14,145 --> 00:29:15,945 Oh, stop it, will you? Just leave it! 790 00:29:15,945 --> 00:29:17,425 Wait until after the meal! 791 00:29:17,425 --> 00:29:18,905 No. We have to get it, I'm afraid. 792 00:29:18,905 --> 00:29:20,625 Health regulations, before it molds. 793 00:29:20,625 --> 00:29:21,785 Well, I'll get it then. 794 00:29:21,785 --> 00:29:23,665 No, no! Please. Please, allow us. 795 00:29:23,665 --> 00:29:24,785 All part of the service. 796 00:29:24,785 --> 00:29:26,425 So that's one paté, 797 00:29:26,425 --> 00:29:28,381 and one Windsor... soup! 798 00:29:31,785 --> 00:29:33,945 Here's your veal, Mr. Carnegie. 799 00:29:33,945 --> 00:29:35,905 Sorry for the delay. 800 00:29:35,905 --> 00:29:37,785 He's just been given veal! 801 00:29:37,785 --> 00:29:39,785 Uh, no, no. That's veal substitute. 802 00:29:39,785 --> 00:29:41,665 - Veal substitute? - It's not very good. 803 00:29:41,665 --> 00:29:43,105 It got rather held up on the boat. 804 00:29:43,105 --> 00:29:44,505 On the way over from... 805 00:29:44,505 --> 00:29:45,785 - Japan. - Norway. 806 00:29:45,785 --> 00:29:47,625 It's a sort of a... 807 00:29:47,625 --> 00:29:50,225 Japo-Scandinavian imitation veal substitute, 808 00:29:50,225 --> 00:29:51,785 and I'm afraid that's the last slice, anyway. 809 00:29:51,785 --> 00:29:52,945 We're leaving. 810 00:29:52,945 --> 00:29:54,425 Okay, if you insist. 811 00:29:54,425 --> 00:29:55,905 By all means. Be my guest. Thank you. 812 00:29:55,905 --> 00:29:57,105 I want a taxi. 813 00:29:57,105 --> 00:29:58,385 Polly, would you arrange a taxi, please? 814 00:29:58,385 --> 00:29:59,785 It's in the bag. 815 00:29:59,785 --> 00:30:00,825 - Is your veal... - In her bag! 816 00:30:00,825 --> 00:30:02,425 In her bag? 817 00:30:02,425 --> 00:30:03,778 - What? - Excuse me. 818 00:30:05,745 --> 00:30:07,425 Do you know where you're going to? 819 00:30:07,425 --> 00:30:09,256 Can you recommend a restaurant? 820 00:30:10,785 --> 00:30:13,785 Yes, of course. What sort of... 821 00:30:13,785 --> 00:30:15,785 Where is somewhere that serves really good veal, Polly? 822 00:30:15,785 --> 00:30:17,785 - Somewhere in the... - Oh, veal. Yes, of course. 823 00:30:17,785 --> 00:30:19,665 A really good restaurant. 824 00:30:19,665 --> 00:30:21,065 Wait, just a minute, because l... 825 00:30:21,065 --> 00:30:23,025 I do remember a place where I had some 826 00:30:23,025 --> 00:30:24,945 really good veal once. 827 00:30:24,945 --> 00:30:26,785 Only I just can't think of the name of it... 828 00:30:26,785 --> 00:30:28,345 It was, umm... ooh! 829 00:30:28,345 --> 00:30:30,585 La-di-da. 830 00:30:30,585 --> 00:30:32,780 Did you see "Annie Hall"? 831 00:30:34,065 --> 00:30:35,105 La-di-da. 832 00:30:35,105 --> 00:30:36,333 Annie who? 833 00:30:37,625 --> 00:30:38,985 What are you doing? 834 00:30:38,985 --> 00:30:41,425 - What? - He had his hand in my bag! 835 00:30:41,425 --> 00:30:43,305 - What? - No, no, l... 836 00:30:43,305 --> 00:30:44,505 You know something? 837 00:30:44,505 --> 00:30:47,785 You're getting my dander up, you grotty little man! 838 00:30:47,785 --> 00:30:49,785 You're asking for a bunch of fives! 839 00:30:49,785 --> 00:30:50,785 Bomb scare! 840 00:30:50,785 --> 00:30:52,105 What? 841 00:30:52,105 --> 00:30:53,505 There's been a bomb scare. 842 00:30:53,505 --> 00:30:54,785 - A bomb scare? - Yes. 843 00:30:54,785 --> 00:30:56,785 Yes. That's why he was searching in your bag. 844 00:30:56,785 --> 00:30:57,905 He didn't want to alarm you. 845 00:30:57,905 --> 00:30:59,945 - May I? - Well, I don't... 846 00:30:59,945 --> 00:31:00,945 Just one moment. 847 00:31:00,945 --> 00:31:02,345 We had a call, you see. 848 00:31:02,345 --> 00:31:03,625 Well, shouldn't you get everybody out? 849 00:31:03,625 --> 00:31:05,025 That's why we were looking under your table. 850 00:31:05,025 --> 00:31:06,583 We just didn't want to draw attention... 851 00:31:14,025 --> 00:31:15,253 Uh, waiter. 852 00:31:17,545 --> 00:31:18,785 Waiter? 853 00:31:18,785 --> 00:31:20,059 Un momentito. 854 00:31:25,905 --> 00:31:27,105 Sí? 855 00:31:27,105 --> 00:31:29,335 Some cheese and biscuits and a coffee, please. 856 00:31:36,745 --> 00:31:37,785 Anything to follow? 857 00:31:37,785 --> 00:31:39,745 I've ordered some cheese and a coffee. 858 00:31:39,745 --> 00:31:42,185 Certainly. Coffee, please, Sybil. 859 00:31:42,185 --> 00:31:44,425 Here we are, Mr. Carnegie. 860 00:31:44,425 --> 00:31:46,625 Polly, would you get the biscuits, please? 861 00:31:46,625 --> 00:31:48,385 Here they are, Fawlty. 862 00:31:48,385 --> 00:31:50,705 Cheddar, Danish bleu, edam? 863 00:31:50,705 --> 00:31:51,825 A little Danish bleu, please. 864 00:31:51,825 --> 00:31:53,543 Certainly. 865 00:31:59,185 --> 00:32:00,985 - Edam? - No, thank you. 866 00:32:00,985 --> 00:32:02,418 Biscuits? 867 00:32:15,545 --> 00:32:18,013 Would you care for rat? 868 00:32:20,385 --> 00:32:22,819 Just the biscuits then, please, Polly. 869 00:32:28,265 --> 00:32:29,254 Black or white? 870 00:32:30,785 --> 00:32:33,105 Black or white? 871 00:32:33,105 --> 00:32:34,265 Black, please. 872 00:32:34,265 --> 00:32:35,465 Was that a... 873 00:32:35,465 --> 00:32:36,625 There we are. 874 00:32:36,625 --> 00:32:38,581 Here are the biscuits. 875 00:32:39,785 --> 00:32:42,253 Cream crackers, digestives? 876 00:32:45,785 --> 00:32:48,299 I'm afraid it's started to rain again.